Signs of a Toxic Relationship & How to get out of it

Signs of a Toxic Relationships and how to get out of itWe’ve all heard the stories about that “crazy” friend or ex, from horrible dates to drama-filled relationships. We have all had that “one friend” or dated that “horrible ex”. The one that gets us wrapped up in their own drama, leaves us emotionally drained after hanging out with them, and when we have barely said two words during an entire conversation.

Somehow if the relationship/friendship continues you become self-critical and self-doubting in yourself all of a sudden you wonder where all your self-esteem went and you don’t even recognize who you are. You are not alone. Not everyone knows how to spot a toxic relationship much less how to get out of one successfully and with minimal collateral damage. Whether it is a friendship or romantic relationship. I hope these tips help minimize the drama in your life and keep positive empowerment in your circle.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

How do I know a relationship, romantic or otherwise is toxic?

From my experience, sometimes toxic relationships are not always easy to identify. Sometimes these people have this incredible charisma, they love you and have your best interest in mind. These can be the most dangerous because you unknowingly get wrapped up with them and don’t notice anything wrong until it’s too late and you don’t recognise who you have become. Other times you notice that you dread spending time with them, that somehow you get emotionally charged in their drama and you are never good enough. Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? It can be and it can definitely increase your stress and affect your mental health as well. At times these people are hypercritical and you feel as if nothing you do is ever good enough or done “right”, after a while you get stuck in this vicious cycle of broken, fix, repair and you are always the one apologising.


How to Leave Toxic Relationships

I’m stuck in this toxic friendship/relationship…now what?

It has taken me several years to understand how to refrain from engaging with toxic people.  There may be some people that you won’t be able to remove from your life. It can seem overwhelming trying to figure out how to learn to get along without getting along , but there is a way to describe this, it’s called “gray rock”. The principle suggests that toxic people are typically attracted to those who are interesting, so congratulations on being interesting.

This term means that you stop “fueling the fire” by giving too much information to these people. You stay uninteresting, keep things brief, informative, friendly and firm or B.I.F.F. If you are unsure about a response, have a trusted friend check it to see if you have kept it B.I.F.F. This way, like a gray rock you blend into the background and become “less interesting”. The toxic person will typically move on and become less interested without you having to “be the bad friend”.

I’ve tried all that and it still doesn’t work

Sometimes the best thing for your own mental health is to completely cut off the toxic person. It is rare, but there are definitely some situations that warrant such extreme measures. Obviously, this is easier said than done. Many times we have come to care about these people, sometimes we may even want to “fix them”. If it comes to this point in the relationship, we have to love ourselves more and protect ourselves from their toxicity. Their problems are not our responsibility to fix or help fix, that may seem harsh but remember to prioritise your self-care. Make sure you have a good support system of friends or family and can help you and support you, that can make a huge difference.



Written by: Julie Yackley


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